Redefining Success in a World of Unreal Expectations
In today’s world, the definition of success is often unclear, especially for young people. Redefining success in a world of unrealistic expectations can provide a strong foundation for your entire family’s growth and future. Social media’s unrealistic portrayals of success can further complicate things by masking the struggles behind achievements. Society tends to value high grades, athletic success, and excellence in extracurricular activities, but these markers of success don’t always reflect what’s truly important to families. Many families I speak to don’t even realize that these societal pressures are contributing to stress and feelings of inadequacy. Instead of focusing on external expectations, redefining success based on your family’s values, and your child’s individual strengths, passions, and interests, can be a refreshing and healthy path forward. This approach fosters resilience, reduces stress, and supports better mental health. Have you ever taken a moment to define success for yourself or your child? Understanding what success means to both parents and kids can be an eye-opening exercise. In parenting workshops I offer, I ask parents and children to define success. Many parents were surprised to see that their kids valued achievements like good grades, college acceptance, athleticism, and popularity more than qualities like kindness or giving back—values parents often prioritize. This difference in perspectives is an opportunity for families to connect, communicate, and align their values. Here’s a simple activity you can do to define or redefine success with your child: How to Define/Redefine Success with Your Child: While it’s great when the lists align, differences can spark important conversations. One mother shared how her daughter ranked straight A’s and attending a “good” college as her top measures of success. The mother, however, valued traits like kindness, self-confidence, and a strong work ethic above academic achievements. This discussion helped both of them redefine success. The daughter felt relieved when her mom emphasized finding a college that matched her interests and personality rather than focusing on prestige. Navigating Unrealistic and Realistic Expectations for Success Conversations about success can be a real eye-opener for parents. One mother realized that without ongoing discussions about what success truly means, outside influences—such as peers, coaches, teachers, and social media—might define it for her child. Another parent reflected on how she placed the highest value on grades and athletic achievements as markers of her daughter’s success, a mindset shaped by societal values like financial status, prestigious job titles, and elite colleges. While these external measures aren’t inherently wrong, relying solely on them can overshadow what truly matters to a family. Redefining Success Based on Strengths and Interests It’s crucial for families to reflect on their own values and align them with their child’s unique strengths and interests. Doing so fosters a healthier, more resilient mindset for both parents and children. This shift helps reduce feelings of failure and replaces them with a sense of empowerment, recognizing that success looks different for everyone. In a world that often prioritizes external markers of achievement, such as grades and job titles, redefining success is especially important for developing brains. External pressures can harm self-esteem, increase stress, and contribute to mental health challenges. By valuing personal strengths and individual interests, families can build a foundation for lifelong resilience and well-being. Empower Your Child to Redefine Success to Fit Their Individual Path As your child grows, it’s crucial to keep an open dialogue about what’s truly important. By understanding each other’s perspectives, parents can guide their children toward becoming lifelong learners rather than focusing solely on climbing the success ladder. This helps build resilience, as children feel empowered to define their own path in a complex and sometimes overwhelming world. Encouraging your child to think critically about success, and aligning their values, is a powerful step toward fostering both resilience and good mental health in today’s challenging world. Adapted from the book, Persuasive Push vs. Shameless Shove: A New Parenting Paradigm. Find our more about this book here
Parenting Neurodivergent Children: How to Build Connection and Confidence
The Challenge When Joanna* and James* reached out to Siah, they were at their breaking point. Parenting two neurodivergent children—one with ADD and one with Autism—was emotionally and physically draining. They craved connection to parents with similar parenting challenges. James worked long hours, leaving Joanna feeling isolated and overwhelmed as the primary caregiver. She knew she needed to build her community and increase her confidence, but was unsure what to do or who to turn to for support. As they move through their journey of parenting neurodivergent children, they n Joanna often compared her family to the “perfect” lives she saw on social media, which only deepened her sadness. She felt it was unfair that others seemed to have it so much easier and struggled with a sense of isolation, believing no one could truly understand her challenges. “I felt so alone, like no one else was going through what I was. Seeing other families who seemed to have it all together just made me feel worse.” The Approach: Move FORWARD Coaching Through the Move FORWARD program, Siah provided Joanna with the tools, support, and perspective to regain confidence and find a sense of community. The program provided Joanna with a fresh perspective and practical parenting strategies by focusing on the following areas The Results Joanna experienced a significant shift in her mindset and approach to parenting: “Talking with Siah was a turning point for me. She helped me see that I wasn’t alone and that there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with my family. I started reaching out to other parents in similar situations, and it was such a relief to connect with people who truly understood.” She began reconnecting with old friends and found an online community of parents with neurodivergent children. This gave her a safe space to share her challenges and celebrate her victories. “I’ve learned to stop comparing my family to others. Instead, I’m focusing on what makes our family unique and special. Siah helped me feel proud of how far we’ve come.” A Brighter Future Today, Joanna feels more confident and supported. She has tools to manage her overwhelm, a stronger connection with her husband, and a growing sense of community. She’s embraced her role as a parent of neurodivergent children with resilience and grace. “The Move FORWARD program didn’t just help me cope—it gave me the confidence to thrive. I no longer feel isolated, and I’m so grateful for the connections and strategies I’ve gained through working with Siah.” Your Journey Starts Here Parenting can feel isolating, especially when facing unique challenges. But you’re not alone, and support is available. If you’re ready to find balance, build resilience, and connect with others who understand your journey, the Move FORWARD program is here to help. Contact us today to take the first step toward a more confident, connected future. (*Names changed for privacy.)
How To Handle Kids’ Tantrums With Parental Self-Regulation
When your child has a tantrum, especially one that seems out of the ordinary for their age, it can trigger all kinds of emotions—frustration, fear, or even self-doubt as a parent. How we respond in those moments can make a world of difference, not only for our child but for us as parents. One of the most effective strategies I’ve learned is the concept of anchoring yourself to be a safe harbor for your child. This approach, inspired by the Jai Institute’s ANCHOR and HARBOR acronyms, has helped me shift from reacting to responding with calm and connection during challenging moments. Let me share a personal story about how this framework changed how I handled one of my chidrens’ most memorable tantrums. A Personal Moment of Parenting Growth Years ago, my then 8-year-old son had a HUGE tantrum—something I hadn’t seen from him in years. I was overwhelmed with frustration and fear. I kept thinking, Isn’t he too old for this behavior? What am I doing wrong? At first, I reacted with frustration, expressing my disbelief at his behavior. But my instinct told me there was something deeper at the root of this outburst. I knew I needed to approach it differently. Everything in me wanted to yell or pick him up and put him in his room to calm down. But instead, I tried the opposite. I picked him up, held him close, and calmly reflected on how to manage my child’s tantrum. Desperately tapping into my maternal instincts to manage the tantrum, I posed a question that hadn’t crossed my mind until that moment. I calmly asked “Are you upset because your big sister leaves for college tomorrow?” The change was immediate. He stopped crying, took a deep breath, and began to calm down. A couple of hours later, he came to me and said, “I’m sorry I acted that way, but I really don’t want her to leave for college.” It hit me like a ton of bricks. He had seen me cry, seen his sister cry, and had heard us talk about her leaving for years. Yet, I hadn’t realized how deeply he was feeling it himself. When Kids’ Tantrums Test Your Limits Moments like these remind us that tantrums aren’t just “bad behavior.” They are often a child’s way of expressing overwhelming emotions they can’t yet articulate. Even when a tantrum seems extreme—like when a neighbor’s kid is screaming loudly or yelling for help—it’s important to remember that the child is struggling, not trying to manipulate or embarrass anyone. In fact, I once heard a story about a neighborhood kid having a tantrum and screaming for help. The kid’s tantrum escalated to the point where their cries sounded like they were in serious distress. Neighbors grew concerned, some even questioning if it was a sign of abuse. But in reality, the child was expressing feelings of fear and frustration that they didn’t know how to manage. The situation highlighted how crucial it is for parents to stay calm and regulated during these moments—not just for their child’s sake but also to model emotional control for those around them. Using ANCHOR and HARBOR in Emotional Moments This moment reinforced for me the importance of self-regulation. Instead of reacting impulsively, I anchored myself to be a safe harbor for him. When I stayed calm and focused on connection, I gave him the space to express what he couldn’t put into words during his outburst. I recall countless child development experts emphasizing that every behavior a child exhibits has an underlying reason. Here’s how the ANCHOR and HARBOR frameworks can guide you through moments like this: ANCHOR: Ground Yourself First HARBOR: Be Their Safe Space Why Self-Regulation Matters When parents self-regulate, it sets the tone for the entire interaction. Children learn that big emotions are manageable and that their parents are a safe place to turn during distress. Previously when I had resorted to yelling and and sending a kid throwing a tantrum to their room, it only escalated the situation. My reactive behavior likely made my kids feel unsafe and unable to process or express their true emotions. This time, I was more aware of my body and reactions. By anchoring myself, I could offer my son the calm presence he needed to work through his emotions. Takeaways for Parents By anchoring yourself and being a safe harbor, you can navigate even the most challenging moments with your child. You’ll not only help them feel seen and supported but also model resilience and emotional regulation—skills that will serve them for a lifetime. What has helped you stay calm during your child’s tantrums? Let’s continue the conversation—share your tips or experiences below!
How to Calm Your Child’s Fear of School Shootings
School shootings have become a top concern for many American parents, and if you’re struggling to manage your child’s fear of these events, you’re not alone. As a health and wellness expert who has worked closely with families, I deeply understand how overwhelming this fear can be—it’s one of my own greatest worries as well. As a parent, I know how vital it is to support your child through such anxieties, especially when it comes to the fear of school shootings. In this guide, I’ll share expert strategies on how to calm your child’s fear of school shootings and provide practical advice to help your family cope with this difficult reality 1. Listen to Your Child’s Concerns One of the most powerful ways to help children feel safe is to listen calmly and carefully to their worries. This allows you to understand their fears and address them in a way that feels supportive and reassuring. It’s important to separate your fears from your child’s. 2. Foster Open and Honest Communication Experts emphasize the importance of having age-appropriate conversations about school safety. Children often reflect their parents’ emotions, so it’s vital to remain calm and reassuring during these discussions. Talk about the safety measures in place at their school and encourage them to speak up if they ever feel unsafe. 3. Manage Your Own Fears Dr. Janine Domingues of the Child Mind Institute advises parents to regulate their emotions before discussing active shooter events with their children. Research shows that kids are less anxious about such events unless they pick up on their parents’ stress. To help manage your fears: 4. Be Proactive and Informed Finding Perspective and Building Resilience While the rise in gun violence in schools is deeply concerning, it’s important to remember that mass shootings remain rare. This fact, while not entirely comforting, can provide some perspective as we navigate these fears. By managing our own anxiety, we create a foundation of emotional stability, structure, and predictability for our children. Though we can’t protect them from every harm, we can equip them with the resilience and confidence to face an uncertain world. Together, let’s work toward a safer future while fostering a sense of calm and security in our homes.
How to Raise Resilient Kids in an Uncertain World
Parenting today is tougher than ever. When I reached out to parents in various Facebook groups and asked about their biggest parenting concerns, the answers were eye-opening. Many parents shared their struggles, pointing to political and societal uncertainty as a major source of stress. For some in the United States, one word kept coming up: “Trump.” For others, it was the overwhelming news cycle, global conflicts, or an ever-changing world. This resonated deeply with me. Growing up in the 70s and 80s, I remember family gatherings filled with heated political debates. The raised voices, tension, and uncertainty left me feeling anxious and overwhelmed. Even as a child, I could sense how stress affected everyone around me. Now, as a parent and a coach, I understand the importance of calm leadership—especially during turbulent times. The truth is, we can’t control the world, but we can control how we show up for our kids. That’s how resilience begins. Why Resilience Matters for Our Kids The world our children are growing up in can feel unpredictable and chaotic. Whether it’s political division, social unrest, or economic challenges, kids notice far more than we think. If we don’t equip them with tools to handle adversity, they risk growing up anxious, fearful, and uncertain. Resilience is not about avoiding challenges. It’s about helping kids learn to navigate difficult situations with confidence, calm, and strength. How to Raise Resilient Kids: 5 Key Steps Here are five proven strategies to help your family build resilience during uncertain times: 1. Create a Safe Space for Calm Conversations Tip: Turn stressful conversations into opportunities for growth and understanding. 2. Focus on Shared Family Values 3. Build Positive Coping Strategies Resilient kids need tools to handle stress. Start with simple habits: Remember: You can’t shield your kids from the world, but you can teach them healthy ways to respond to it. 4. Strengthen Community Connections Inspiration: One of my clients from Ukraine faced unimaginable challenges during the war, yet her strength came from her family, community, and perspective. She inspires me every day. 5. Lead By Example Children are always watching. Your response to challenges teaches them how to handle their own. What We Can Learn From Resilient Communities Research on Blue Zones—regions where people live the longest and healthiest lives—offers valuable lessons in resilience. These communities have faced wars, famine, and hardships yet continue to thrive with far less anxiety than many of us experience today. What’s their secret? Resilience is not about avoiding hardship. It’s about finding strength through connection, perspective, and simple, healthy habits. Raising Kids Who Thrive, No Matter What The world will always have challenges, and uncertainty is part of life. But by fostering resilience, we can raise kids who: Resilience is the gift that will carry our children through any uncertain future. Take the First Step Toward Resilience Today Start small. Have an honest, calm conversation with your kids. Eat dinner together tonight. Take a family walk and talk about gratitude. By showing up for your kids—calmly and consistently—you’re teaching them to navigate life’s challenges with grace and strength. Let’s raise kids who don’t just survive, but thrive.
Helping Teens Overcome Burnout and Pressure
Teens face immense pressure to succeed, often feeling defined by their achievements. A recent study from the Center for Digital Thriving at Harvard, Indiana University, and Common Sense Media reveals that 1 in 4 American teens struggles with burnout. On Mental Health Day, I reflected on the importance of reducing this pressure, sharing insights from my work and parenting experience to encourage a healthier, balanced approach for teens.
Butterflies in Your Stomach: A Gut Feeling from Your Second Brain
We have all felt “butterflies in our stomach” when nervous. This is a great example of what it’s like to get signals from our second brain. This “brain in our gut” is helping medical experts shine a light on a link between between digestion, mood, health and even the way we think. Scientists call this other brain the enteric nervous system (ENS). “These new findings may explain why a higher-than-normal percentage of people with IBS and functional bowel problems develop depression and anxiety,” Pasricha says. “That’s important, because up to 30 to 40 percent of the population has functional bowel problems at some point.” Find out more about this fascinating link between our two brains here. Per this information many people are linking probiotic use with mood, but according to John Hopkins Medicine more research is needed. Currently, more research is needed to prove taking probiotics is going to change depression or anxiety. Probiotics have many positive effects on the body, including: Find out more about pro-biotics and mood here Gut-brain axis researchprobiotics and mental healthgut health and moodIBS and anxiety linkgut brain conncectionenteric nervous system siah fried I am a Parent Health Coach. I support parents of children working through eating disorders, disordered eating, body image & nutrition challenges. With 30 years as a clinical health educator as well as 17 years as a health, nutrition, and women’s health professor, author, researcher, and family member of eating disorder survivors, I am here to help.
How to save teens from bully for being overweight
As a health educator for over 30 years, I have spent my career promoting healthy behaviors, to prevent chronic disease. A majority of chronic disease is caused by overweight and obesity thus, I have spent years teaching about its dangers and promoting prevention behaviors as well. However, when it comes to helping teens, we need to be especially considerate of the words we choose. As a parent or health care provider, what you say matters. If you are concerned about a teen’s weight, please choose your words carefully. Here is some advice on how to handle weight and foods concerns with a kid. WHY WORDS MATTER Avoid any mention of their weight or eating behaviors. Any comments about a kid’s weight can trigger unhealthy behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, obsessing about calories, purging, and overexercising. Model positive body talk yourself. Be mindful about what you say about your body and weight. Make “fat” and “diet” bad words in your own vocabulary. Be mindful of mental health. Have you noticed your child being overly concerned with food, calories, or fat consumption? Have you noticed any emotional eating or negative body talk? Is it something you can help turn around or is it bigger? If your child needs a therapist, think of it as a strong tool for them to have in their ever growing tool box. It isn’t a weakness. If you notice any of these behaviors, reach out to a health professional to help your child find healthy coping techniques. Avoid teasing about what or how much they are eating. Teasing during adolescence is associated with unhealthy weight-control behaviors and binge-eating in adults. Talk about portion sizes on food labels in a positive and conversational way. Avoid lecturing or criticizing your child’s food choices. Encourage kids to listen to their body and eat when hungry and stop when full. Always encourage three meals a day. Skipping meals often leads to overeating later. TIPS FOR POSITIVE CONVERSATIONS F is the “F word” for “fat”. No need to say “obese” either. “Fat shaming” — weight bias and discrimination — is all too prevalent in our world. Discuss your effort to avoid these labels with other family members, friends and your child’s doctor and ask that they also avoid these labels. Ditch the scale. The focus should be on health, not on the number on the scale. Increased frequency of self-weighing during high school may damage a teen’s self-esteem and mental health. Frequently remind your child of their strengths and unique qualities which can help with self-esteem and even resilience when they have a challenge in their life. It will reinforce the importance of knowing our strengths so we can connect to them to help power through tough times. PROMOTING HEALTHY EATING HABITS Avoid the “D” word. Half of all teenage girls and 1 in 4 teenage boys have tried dieting. Teens who diet have lower self-esteem, feel less connected to their families and schools, and feel less in control of their lives. Dieting is a risk factor for both obesity and eating disorders. Making changes in food choices is not the same as dieting. Take your child grocery shopping to teach them how to choose foods for well-balanced meals. Demonstrate healthy food talk. No foods are bad vs. good. Rather, there are “growing foods” and “sometimes foods.” I have found kids really relate well to these categories. If you need help explaining to kids how important “growing foods” are in helping their bodies stay healthy and how they actually make kids grow, please email me for a consult Siah_fried@yahoo.com. Promoting healthy habits in teensBody Image in teensTalking to teens about healthy weightAvoiding diet talk with kidsSupporting teen mental healthHow to discuss food with teensHealthy eating habits for teensRisks of fat shaming and dieting in teensTips for positive food conversations siah fried I am a Parent Health Coach. I support parents of children working through eating disorders, disordered eating, body image & nutrition challenges. With 30 years as a clinical health educator as well as 17 years as a health, nutrition, and women’s health professor, author, researcher, and family member of eating disorder survivors, I am here to help.
The Message Behind the Weight Loss Craze: My Concerns About Ozempic and Similar Drugs
WHAT IS OZEMPIC? RISKS FOR NON-MEDICAl USE See the video below for my thoughts regarding Ozempic, Wegovy, and Mounjaro when used for non-medically advised weight loss . RISKS ON BODY IMAGE AND SOCIETY It seems to be a big trend and I worry about the message it’s sending. Here is a short video of my thoughts about the dangers as I see them. Please let me know your thoughts on this topic by joining my Eating Disorder, Nutrition and Body Image Parent Support Facebook Group by clicking here and ask to join. Here is a link to an article on Ozempic
“Disordered Eating vs. Eating Disorders: Understanding the Key Differences”
What do you think people most want coaching on? When I began parent coaching, I figured I would be coaching individuals or parents most on depression, anxiety and stress. While, these are topics I frequently coach people on, lately the topics I have been sought to coach on are disordered eating or body dysmorphia. Even when a parent or individual wants coaching around another topic, disordered eating and body dysmorphia are often a part of the fabric. What’s the difference between disordered eating and eating disorders? According to the National Eating Disorders Association, nearly 30 million Americans are impacted by eating disorders, which can be life-threatening. According to the National Eating Disorders Association, 28.8 million Americans will face an eating disorder at some point in their lives and 22 % of children and adolescents worldwide show signs of disordered eating. Anorexia Nervosa is the leading cause of death among diagnosable mental illnesses. Disordered eating is more prevalent than you might think. In a 2008 survey of 4,023 women aged 25 to 45, conducted by the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, 65% reported engaging in disordered eating behaviors. However, these behaviors can be more difficult to recognize. If your eating habits disrupt your ability to nourish yourself consistently and adequately, they may be problematic. Signs of disordered eating can include excessive exercise, restrictive eating, or avoiding certain foods or food groups, extreme fasting or cleanses. Dieting is disordered eating. People who are always trying to lose weight and/or struggle with body image might engage in these activities more. However, disordered eating is prevalent among a huge portion of our society and due to the emphasis on health and being thin, these behaviors have become normalized. The problem is it can cause a physical, mental and emotional toll on a person and those around them and having disordered eating increases the chances of developing an eating disorder. “These behaviors aren’t random. They can be picked up from things like social media, TV, or even your peers. They’re hard to recognize because they’re created and celebrated by diet culture, which encourages thinness—even if it’s achieved in an unhealthy way, says Rachel Engelhart, RD, the clinical director at the Eating Recovery Center in Bethesda, MD. For information on parenting through mental health challenges or stress, book a free Discovery call appointment with me now with this link