When Mother Knows Best: How to Tune into Instinct
I remember sitting in the doctor’s office with my daughter, my gut tightening with quiet concern. Her eating habits had shifted, and there was new, uncomfortable body talk creeping into our conversations. I was cautious, yes-but not yet scared. Until the nurse noticed her heart rate had dropped significantly since her last visit. Then came the words that changed everything: “Some sort of eating disorder.” Just like that, the world tilted. My breath caught. I’m a clinical health educator. I’ve helped patients in a clinic with eating disorders. At the time I was a teacher who had taught both high school and college students about eating disorders. I’ve supported students through recovery. My extended family is no stranger to these struggles. But this? This was my daughter. And in that moment, I wasn’t a professional—I was a mom, scared and overwhelmed. What followed wasn’t clarity or guidance—it was confusion, defiance, and disconnection. The medical team quickly slotted her into a standard treatment plan: a four-times-a-week program that never quite fit. Every instinct in my body told me it was wrong. She pushed back. Our relationship strained. And still, I kept showing up, trusting the experts—while silently screaming inside that we were on the wrong path. What I didn’t have then was someone to walk with me. Someone who could look me in the eye and say,“You’re not crazy. You’re not overreacting. And yes—there is another way.” So I became that person. For her. And now, for other parents. One thing I’ve noticed with almost every parent I work with—whether their child is struggling with physical health, mental health, or specifically an eating disorder—is the overwhelming mix of emotions they carry. Guilt. Anger. Sadness. Disappointment. I’ve felt them too. One parent said it perfectly: “It’s just not fair that he has to deal with this. He should be able to enjoy his teenage years and be more carefree.” She’s right. It isn’t fair. But the truth is, life’s not fair—and when kids face challenges early on and are taught how to cope in healthy ways, they become more resilient and better prepared for life. Every family is carrying something. If it’s not mental or physical health, it might be grief, divorce, discrimination, or another hidden struggle that no one talks about. We’re all taught to put on a game face—especially on social media. That pressure to appear perfect adds to our stress. And we start to feel like we’re failing compared to all the “perfect” families online. Our kids feel it too. Only harder. Their brains aren’t fully developed yet, so they can’t sort through it like we can. With her permission, I shared these thoughts with that client—and she exhaled. Sometimes we just need to hear that we’re not alone. Because authentic parenting doesn’t always look pretty. It doesn’t fit the mold of a filtered Instagram story. But when you lead with honesty, care, and your values—your child feels it. And the hard stuff? That’s what builds character and resilience. That’s what I saw with my own kids. All three of them faced real challenges—and today, they’re stronger for it. My beautiful, brilliant daughter’s experience with disordered eating was one of the hardest seasons of our lives… and it led her down a path where she is now thriving as she works on her PsyD in graduate school many miles away from home. She worked in a residential site with severe young people with eating disorders and I wish I could tell you the difference she’s made in their lives. While she battled this in high school, I knew—deep down—that she would grow through it. But some days, we just had to lean into the frustration and say, “This isn’t fair.” And that’s okay too. That’s why I’m sharing this story in this week’s blog post:“When a Mother’s Instinct Speaks Louder Than Protocol: A Journey Through Eating Disorder Recovery.” It’s personal. It’s raw. And it holds the reminder I wish I had back then: You’re not failing. You’re doing the hard, beautiful work of showing up. Facing the truth is hard. But avoiding it often costs more. When we show up authentically—even through pain—we create space for true healing. Some parents may accept alcohol or disordered eating as “just part of being a kid,” but for many, these patterns become addictions or lifelong mental health struggles. A real diagnosis might feel harder to face—but it also opens the door to real tools, real healing, and real connection. Choosing honesty and support now gives your child a better chance at long-term wellbeing. They’ll be more prepared for life as an adult—and as you know, it’s not always easy. But with support, they can take on life’s toughest battles and come out stronger.
