“I’ve never been this stressed before.” Stress Isn’t Always the Enemy-How To Make It Your Friend
I hear this a lot—from teens, young adults, even parents. Sometimes it comes with fear and overwhelm. Other times, I see people light up with determination and growth. So what makes the difference?
It turns out, not all stress is created equal.
The Two Kinds of Stress
Psychologists call them eustress and distress.
- Eustress is the “good” kind of stress. It challenges us in ways that stretch our abilities, motivate us to grow, and build resilience. Think of preparing for a big performance, training for a sport you love, or studying hard for a class that excites you.
- Distress is the harmful kind. It overwhelms us, erodes self-esteem, and often shows up when the challenge doesn’t align with our strengths, passions, or values—or when we’re doing something for someone else’s approval instead of our own.
The tricky part? On the outside, the stress might look the same. The difference lies in the why.
A Story That Changed My View
One young woman I worked with shared her experience of trying out for a competitive team. The first time, she did it to please her mom. The stress was crushing. She developed an eating disorder.
Years later, after her recovery, she tried out again—but this time for herself. The stress was still intense, but it felt different. It fueled her. It made her stronger.
That experience showed me a powerful truth: stress itself isn’t the problem—it’s whether it aligns with your authentic self.
Coaching Without Judgment: Stress isn’t always the enemy-how to make it your friend
As a coach, this is one of my guiding principles. My job isn’t to judge someone’s choices—even if I see them experimenting with a diet, overtraining, or pursuing goals I might not recommend. Instead, I come alongside them with curiosity:
- Why is this important to you?
- Does this align with your strengths, passions, and values?
- Is this path sustainable for your mental and physical health?
With science, open-ended questions, and reflection, my role is to help people evaluate for themselves whether their choices move them toward growth—or toward harm.
A Question for You
If you’re feeling stressed right now, pause and ask yourself:
👉 Am I doing this because it’s truly important to me—or because someone else expects it?
Is this within my wheelhouse of strengths and interests? It should be challenging, but doable.
That simple question can transform how stress shows up in your life.
Because when the why is yours, stress becomes a stepping stone—not a stumbling block. If a stressor brings meaning and purpose without leaving distress in your body, mind or life, it’s likely worth carrying.
Set up your 30 minute complimentary coaching session here
For more information on parent and health and wellness coaching check out my website, www.siahfriedcoach.com