What I Learned About Why Kids Cheat: How to Help Ease The Stress & Pressure
By Siah S. Fried, MPH, NBC-HWC What I Learned About Why Kids Cheat: The Meeting That Changed Everything What I learned about why kids cheat: How to Help Ease The Stress & Pressure. Twelve years ago, I walked into my first Challenge Success meeting as a parent representative for my daughter’s high school PTA. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but when I walked into the meeting a few minutes late the words I heard from a senior that day still echo in my mind: “Well, I’m not saying I cheat all the time, but I do feel the pressure to get straight A’s.”“We want individual rankings gone. We’re constantly competing, and it’s exhausting.” The topic was cheating—described by a teacher as “very creative and out-of-control cheating issues.” What shocked me wasn’t just the topic—it was the raw honesty from the students. What I Learned About Why Kids Cheat: Kids Know More Than We Think A freshman confidently corrected a teacher who believed younger students weren’t aware of their class rankings.“Yes they are,” he said. “Every kid I know knew their rank from freshman year on.” I sat, wide-eyed, waiting for someone to scold the students. But instead, the adults in the room listened. It was an honest, respectful conversation—the kind I wish happened more often between students and educators. What I Learned About Why Kids Cheat: When Pressure Leads to Desperation The students weren’t admitting to cheating out of laziness or lack of values. They were overwhelmed. Too many tests. Hours of homework. Overwhelming and high expectations. Not enough hours in the day. I’ve heard these same stories in my own classrooms as a health teacher. Students opened up about the weight they carried—the pressure to be perfect in academics, sports, music, volunteering, and social life. Cheating as a Coping Mechanism Cheating today isn’t a fringe behavior. It’s often a response to an impossible standard. Students feel they can’t keep up, so they look for shortcuts. The sad truth? Some parents know. Some don’t approve, but they understand. They see how hard their kids are working and how little breathing room they have. I know of parents who do projects for their kids from elementary school to high school. The Cost of the “Perfect” Transcript The façade of perfection—AP classes, varsity sports, top rankings—comes at a cost. Our kids are trading rest, play, and even ethics just to keep up appearances. The emotional toll is deep, and the long-term consequences are still unfolding. Listening to Students Is the First Step What gave me hope in that meeting—and in every conversation I’ve had since—is the power of student voice. When we give kids a safe place to speak, they rise to the occasion. Most are not asking for handouts. They are likely asking for sanity, for balance, for a system that values who they are over what they achieve. Start the Conversation at Home Want to understand what your child is facing? Ask this one powerful question: “How do you define success?” Then, write down your own definition. Compare the two. This simple exercise—shared with me by Challenge Success—has sparked some of the most meaningful conversations in my home and in my coaching practice. Let’s Rethink Success, Together If you want to dig deeper into this topic, or need support navigating academic pressure in your home, I offer free consult calls for parents. I’m also happy to share the “Define Success” worksheet I use with families. Here is the link to the original blog post I wrote in 2013. Let’s raise kids who are healthy, honest, and whole—not just high-achieving. Need some guidance, schedule a free call here and find out how to move FORWARD with support from parent coaching. Siah S. Fried, MPH, CHES was a parent leader for Challenge Success. She is currently an Intuitive Eating and Positive Body Talk Coach. Find out more at her website: https://siahfriedcoach.com/
